Friday, August 27, 2010

Bowser: Misogynistic Sociopath, Vengeful Racist or Misunderstood Koopa?

Bowser, wot's...uh, the deal?

Misogynist or Power Monger
Bowser's tactics have become rather trite. We have all seen it a good half dozen times, Kidnap Princess Peach in attempts to take over Mushroom Kingdom. I guess I should start by asking, is his need to kidnap Princess Peach required to take over Mushroom Kingdom or does he have a deep rooted fear and hatred of women? I mean, let's look at it realistically, if Mushroom Kingdom has so many different types of inhabitants, wouldn't they have some sort of branches of government or, perhaps a class system. Couldn't a simple coup with Bowser, his eight children, and his minions grant him the power of Mushroom Kingdom without the need for the kidnapping? Her grandfather is the chancellor - why not kidnap him? Wouldn't that grant him the same power over the people of Mushroom Kingdom?

This is the fundamental problem with Bowser's uninventive and Wile E. Coyote-esque plans and why they, generally (unless you suck at Mario games), are thwarted in the end. Speaking of his eight kids, where the hell is the mother? Could this play yet another role in his misogyny? What could a woman do to this powerful king to make him repeatedly want to hold the Princess captive and grasp for power over a bunch of tiny Toads he should be able to bowl over with little effort? Then to view Bowser, the studded bracelets and necklaces, show a little fetish history. Perhaps the Kooplings mama wasn't into that. Also, perhaps the constant need to hold the Princess captive works with his control fetish. Or maybe Princess Peach is the baby's mama? There has to be a reason she changed her name from Princess Toadstool to Princess Peach - what is she hiding?

What kind of childhood did Bowser have? Was his own mommy not there? Or, perhaps overbearing, stripping him of his masculinity at an early age requiring him to become combative and destructive. Couple that with the loss of his baby's mama and we can see a pattern of woman bashing by Bowser. Perhaps years of sitting in seedy, smoky bars seeing the Mario's of the world hop through life grabbing the Princesses with little effort while he reminisces on the rivers of unresolved issues he has with his clingy, overbearing mother made him finally snap.

Does he just hate all those Not Koopa?
Maybe his grabbing Princess Peach and longing to rule Mushroom Kingdom has nothing to do with his horrific childhood and his M.I.A. baby's mama. Maybe Mario is the culprit of this whole ordeal. Is it jealousy, had Mario wronged him at some point and this is revenge, or does he just not like Italians? Could Bowser be a racist? He refuses to live in a world where the Toads and the Koopas can live together in harmony. Perhaps his need for kingdom domination has more to do with his need to dissipate the Toad species. When Mario jumps over the fake Bowser in the castles to release a Toad is that Toad being held captive? Are those "castles" really nothing more than war camps?

Then I am forced to think of Super Mario Bros. 3 and the warships and armies he has amassed. Is the need for such a powerful militia needed to simply take over Mushroom Kingdom or is there something more sinister involved? Is Bowser not looking to become the king of both the Toads and the Koopas but to have one master race of Koopas and an annihilation of the Toads. Could Bowser be that big of a cold hearted, Toad hating bastard?

Maybe just a little Misunderstood
On the other hand, maybe he just needs a friend. He really just wants to play Mario Party but always has the role of mixing up the capsules and making the last five rounds hell. He is a fun competitor in Mario Kart even though Toad is still the best. Maybe it is Mario that is just a punk that is too self absorbed to see that Bowser could be a good ally instead of a nemesis. Bowser just may want what all powerful Koopas want, love. After his tough childhood and abandoning baby's mama, years of despair may have finally sunk in and the poor guy just needs a shoulder to cry on and a buddy to take him out for a drink. But what does Mario and his bastard brother do? Kick the guy when he is down. No wonder he is so pissed off. Wouldn't you be when you look back at the shambles of your life while someone keeps jumping on your head and chucking fireballs at you. You are a mean mother Mario and one day I hope you will get what comes to you, and I am not just talking about the forced celibacy because Princess Toadstool/Peach still has her heart set on her big baby's daddy. You can push your inadequate brother around and prove your superiority over a broken Koopa all you want - but, in the end, all it really shows is you are the one with a problem.

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