Wednesday, January 21, 2015

6 Ways to Know if you are an Ass Hole Gamer

You only want to play maps you know like the back of your hand on first-person-shooters.

We get it, you have spent hours playing Havana in Call of Duty: Black Ops, can we play any other map other than that one?  Are you that unsure of yourself to try Jungle or Hanoi?  Let someone else have a chance to win.

You run up the score on any sports game when you are up by 50.

I picked the Bears, you picked Green Bay.  You have played longer and you have a better team.  You are up by six touchdowns...and you're throwing the deep bomb again to Jordy Nelson.  Fuck you.

You throw down my controller.

The NES and SNES days are over.  These things aren't indestructible.  In fact, they are expensive as hell.  Don't break my shit!

You hear yourself saying the words, "I pushed the button!"

No.  No, you didn't (unless you have been throwing down my controller every time something hasn't gone your way, in which case, you probably broke it (and you're an ass hole)).

You say things like, "you're beating me at Super Smash Bros. on the Wii U but you should see me on the GameCube version.  I'm awesome!"

We aren't playing the GameCube version.  If you wanted to play the GameCube version, you should have said something.  I have it.  It's right on the shelf right in front of you.  And, in all likelihood, I would whoop your ass on that one too.

You hang on to that "one time" you were the best.

I do remember that you beat everyone in the room that one evening two-and-a-half years ago.  We don't need a refresher course on your evening of triumph every time we play.

1 comment:

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